Wide Left is a Vikings blog written by superfan Blair Anderson, who may or may not use curse words every so often. OK, he definitely curses because he’s a heartbroken Vikings fan. Who can blame him? Anyway, he convinced Bring Me The News to give him a blog, so here it goes.
What a week it has been for the Vikings, huh? For those of you who have been living under a rock the past week, shit has gotten real in Valhalla after the Vikings broke out the Kick-Ass Offense against the Chicago Bears and it pissed Stefon Diggs off enough that he broke out one of those single emoji tweets that your teenager sends out right after they’ve been grounded.
But in all reality, you’ve probably heard enough about the Diggs drama because we have a real controversy on our hands involving your favorite quarterbacks (sarcasm), Kirk Cousins and Bo Levi Mitchell.
Now, if you’re anything like me, you probably just said “Who the hell is Bo Levi Mitchell?” and that’s a great question to ask. Mitchell comes from Canada, where they know how to make maple syrup, produce hockey players and most importantly DRINK!
You want to know where Canadians really know how to drink (other than a hockey game)? The CFL. I went up to Winnipeg one time to watch the Blue Bombers play a game and it was freaking crazy. Those fans make Eagles fans look like choir boys considering they actually drink the four beers they are allowed to purchase at once instead of throwing them at the opposing team.
With over 33,000 people lubed up to the point where they sound like 100,000 screaming Mother Canuckers, playing quarterback in the CFL is probably more difficult than you think and Mitchell did it like a boss.
In 2018, Mitchell was the CFL’s Most Outstanding Player while being the face of the Calgary Stampeders. He would chuck the ball around with no regard for offensive balance, throwing for 5,119 yards, 35 touchdowns and 14 interceptions all while likely freezing his balls off (because you know, Canada).
One look at this guy just screams rockstar quarterback. He has a beard of majestic proportions and the next time Aaron Rodgers whines, he could go over there and challenge him to a hockey fight or Molson chugging contest to put him in his place. Say hello to your new god!
This is why when Mitchell was reportedly asked what he could do to help the Vikings win, he replied by saying he was going to take Kirk Cousins’ job. The Vikings didn’t like this as they like their quarterback to be more like their favorite politician by taking a ridiculous sum of money and pissing it all away.
And this is why I like Mitchell despite never seeing him play a down of football. Do you realize the stones it takes to say that? It’s like telling Gary Kubiak that instead of getting him a double caramel, foo-foo, Caribou Coffee Latte like Sean Mannion would, he’s going to jump on his grizzly bear, journey up to Canada, get a cup of Tim Horton’s black coffee, pour some Windsor in it and drink it like a champ.
Those type of stones is exactly what it takes to play quarterback in today’s NFL. The most successful quarterback right now is Patrick Mahomes, who plays like he’s going to attempt to impale the nearest three defenders for a completion. Meanwhile, Cousins leaves his stones in a glass jar at home every Sunday or perhaps in his fannypack sitting in his locker at TCO Performance Center (although I’m sure it’s a satchel).
Who knows if this story is true or not, but one thing is for certain. Even the Vikings are afraid what Cousins can do to this team and if that’s the case, we’re in for a bumpy ride before he leaves after the 2020 season.
