In case you’ve missed the first few weeks of Bring Me The News tackling Vikings games, here are Week 1,Week 2, and Week 3 predictions to give you an idea of what this is all about.
As for this week, we have BREAKING NEWS. A man that owned a share of the league lead in points has produced the scandal of the young season.
Sports Director #2 Doug Frattallone, in a random drug test, tested positive for three anabolic steroids and a low grade beaver tranquilizer. By executive order, he has been suspended for the remainder of the season.
Shame on you Doug.
On to those that still are in contention for the title.
Only two in the group of seven correctly picked the winner in last week’s upset by the Cleveland Browns. Those two are Sports Director GR Anderson, and sports yes-man Mike Gallagher.
Anderson picked a 19-17 Browns win, but also picked AP to rush for 226 yards, he did not crack the 100-yard barrier.
Gallagher predicted a Browns 35-2 romp, which may have been half-heartedly serious, but half the heart was half right. He also predicted Christian Ponder to throw for 323 yards and five touchdowns…for the Browns.
What a silly prediction, leaving us with no big winner this week, just single points for Anderson and Gallagher for predicting the upset.
There are big losers however, with every BMTN’er aside from those two, picking the Vikes by 17 or more. You all lose two points each to think Minnesota, with Christian Ponder as their QB, could win a game by that margin.
Here are your updated standings:
Anderson: 4
Gallagher: 3
Frattallone: 3 -1,000,000
Perkins: 0
Hockert: -1
Ziemer: -1
Nelson: -8
It’s getting ugly for Nelson, on to the Week 4 picks:
Editor-in-chief Amy Hockert: Refuses to predict
“You’ve reached the voicemail box of Amy Hockert. Sorry I missed your call, I’m busy putting my arm through a wood chipper. It’s just one of many things I’d rather be doing than making a prediction about a team I can no longer stomach. Beeeep.”
Interesting strategy. To give you the full effect of what a wood chipper is actually capable of and how big a statement that really is, here’s what Hockert is saying she has her arm in to avoid making a pick this week.
Sports director G.R. Anderson: Vikings 33, Steelers 30
“Big Ben will throw more than 50 times, and if he completes more than 33, Steelers win. But he won’t.”
Sports director No. 2 Doug Frattallone.
Morning sports voice Eric Perkins: Vikings 30, Steelers 24
“The only Big Ben the Vikings will concern themselves with is Roethlisberger, and the mighty Purple will finally notch a “home” win!” (A better effort from Perk this week.)
Newcomer Aaron Ziemer: Steelers 23, Vikings 10
“Jolly good day all! The Vikings go to England to start a Cassel….get it. No one calls for Matt Cassel to start any games after Sunday. Cassel asks Sam Ponder for a hug.”
Here’s your weekly Sam Ponder has a better arm than Christian Ponder video, which honestly doesn’t look out of realm of possibility here. What a cannon.
Night sports guy Joe Nelson: Vikings 24, Steelers 20
“This is a Brad Childress coaching tree game. Mike Tomlin and Leslie Frazier, who like Childress, might be on their way to a booth upstairs in the near future. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being a special advisor to a coach. It’s a sweet gig, and whoever loses this game might get fired. Frazier is a good coach, but an 0-4 start is unacceptable in the NFL today, especially when the MVP is frustrated in your backfield. Matt Cassel won’t impress anyone to the point of winning the starting job. Let the QB controversy continue! Anyone have Josh Freeman’s number?”
We do not, but we do have highlights of his Pro Bowl season of 2010. The song underneath the video is “Just a Dream” by St. Louis rapper Nelly. That’s fitting, the entire 2010 season must feel like a dream for Freeman, because he’s lived an NFL nightmare the last two-plus seasons.
Sports yes-man Mike Gallagher: Steelers 34, Vikings 30
“I mean, who really knows anymore? Matt Cassel is probably going to be just as bad as Christian Ponder, Big Ben will probably drive Vikings fans nuts by buying extra time in the pocket, and I’ll probably order six shots of Everclear from Brit’s Pub once the game is over to try and forget about this monstrosity. Or do they have something weird because they’re British? Is it warm beer? I might even pound a few of those down if necessary, the Vikings make me want to run into oncoming traffic.”
Wow, impassioned stuff.
