Hey, we feel your pain about that Vikings loss to the Bears Sunday, especially that little Cutler dagger at the end of the game that put Martellus Bennett in the end zone and the Vikings in the NFC North cellar.
Yes, we know all of that, but here’s the thing. You can’t hate Martellus Bennett. Why? Because he’s an awesome quote machine, that’s why.
Let’s get this out of the way right away: Here at BringMeTheNews Sports, we frown upon and often dismiss self-created nicknames; that is, you can’t nickname yourself. But in Bennett’s case we’ll let it slide, because his self-nickname is “The Black Unicorn.”
What does it mean? Who cares, it’s awesome.
Actually, he explained it thusly a year ago, when he was with the New York football Giants: “I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, I’m faster than I’ve ever been. I could run all day. I’m kind of like a black unicorn out there. It’s amazing to watch. You go out there and you see a big, black guy running down the field, it’s usually me.”
Totally follow! And then there’s this quote he gave to USA Today after the Bears signed him to a four-year, $20.4 million contract in March.
“I’m a convertible, know what I’m saying?” Bennett said. “No ceiling.”
Yes, Black Unicorn, we understand!
A quote after the Minnesota game: “They didn’t know I had jukes out there. They told me, ‘Man how are you so slippery, you’re so big?’ I was like, ‘I’m Muhammad Ali out here.’”
Interesting, Mr. Black Unicorn. Are you more of a float-like-a-butterfly type, or do you sting like a bee?
“I am a little bit of both. I’m sweet. I move like a butterfly and I sting like a bee. I’m a little bit of both. I like to be a butterfly because sometimes you have to spread your wings and – have you ever tried to catch a butterfly with your hands? You can’t do it. You need a net. They’ve got butterfly nets just for catching butterflies. Hopefully they don’t make a unicorn net just for catching unicorns, especially black ones.”
Ha-ha! Right you are, sir! There are no unicorn nets that we know of either!
Hey, you came up with the Cowboys! Still friendly with anyone on American’s Team?
“I just want to kick those guys’ as***. That is what it is all about. I mean we are cool but we ain’t that cool, know what I am saying? I kind of got some ill feelings towards them overall. It is a game, I kind of hate everybody, honestly, in the NFL.”
We feel ya on that one, brother. Where do you think these feelings come from?
“I kind of sound like Gandhi right now, but I studied myself a lot over the last couple of years.”
Very enlightened, Black Unicorn. Hey, you’re tight with Eli Manning, right? What’s he like?
“I usually get along with a lot of people. Eli’s a real laid-back guy. He’s easy to talk to. Just ask him what he wants. It’s not like, sometimes like your wife, you never know what she wants. You ask and she’s like, ‘Well, I don’t want chicken.’ You’re like, ‘Well, do you want steak?’ She’s like, ‘No, I don’t want steak.’ You know Eli knows if he wants chicken or steak.“
Well, great. Now we’re hungry. Anything you’d like to add, Mr. Unicorn?
“My hamstring feels good. You want to touch it?”
Well, not really …
“Sometimes the great books are covered up by the bad books. So, you know, somebody finally gets to take this great book off the shelf.”
