In case you’ve missed the first few weeks of Bring Me The News tackling Vikings games, here are Week 1 and Week 2 predictions to give you an idea of what this is all about.
As for this week, Cleveland doesn’t rock, and it’s been painfully evident this week with the Browns jettisoning their best offensive player, and starting something named Brian Hoyer at quarterback come Sunday.
Speaking of things that don’t rock, how about night sports guy Joe Nelson’s picks so far this season? In Week 1, Nelson predicted the Vikings would score an Oregon State-like 77 points on Detroit. Last week didn’t get much better, whiffing on a prediction the Vikes would squeak one out in Chicago, the only BMTN’er to go out on that thin limb.
Joe, stick to prep sports.
The big winner this past week? Well, everyone except Joe got the winning team right, but everyone also predicted the Vikes to lose by at least 10. What a bunch of non-believers.
We award the most points to Sports Director No. 1 GR Anderson for calling Vikings rookie Cordarrelle Patterson housing a kickoff. No joke, swear to you, it’s in “print.”
We will also give morning sports voice Eric Perkins style points for nailing the final point total for Chicago, 31 on the nose. Well done gentlemen.
Everyone else aside from Joe will be awarded one point for predicting the winner, while Nelson digs himself a bigger hole with more terrible predictions.
Here are your updated standings:
Frattallone: 3
Anderson: 3
Perkins: 2
Gallagher: 2
Hockert: 1
Ziemer: 1
Nelson: -6
Let the Week 3 extravaganza begin:
Editor-in-chief Amy Hockert: Vikings 34, Browns 17
“Adrian Peterson, who this week admitted he was ‘hesitant’ during some runs in the Bears game, decides to man up and run like he’s being paid 36 freakin’ million dollars.”
Sports director No. 1 G.R. Anderson: Browns 19, Vikings 17
“Adrian Peterson will rush for 226 yards on 21 carries, but the embattled Bad News Browns eek out a victory that somehow embarrasses everyone, 19-17. (That’s a five-field goal game, folks.)”
It appears our first two predictors see a repeat of this 2009 gem against the Browns coming Sunday.
Sports director No. 2 Doug Frattallone: Vikings 28, Browns 0
“Jared Allen goes ape, racking up three sacks. Vikings improve to 1-2 as they destroy Cleveland’s 3rd-string QB. Afterwards, everyone says it was ‘a tough win, because those Browns are not an 0-3 team.’ Uh, yes they are.”
They may also be the worst franchise in all of sports. Here’s why.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3OQNJddL8E
Morning sports voice Eric Perkins: Vikings 23, Browns 3
“Defense feasts at the dome.” (Striving to top boredom level achieved in Week 2.)
Newcomer Aaron Ziemer: Vikings 34, Cleveland 13
“Feeling inspired by Cleveland who decided to promote their third sting quarterback to starter, the Vikings start McLeod Bethel Thompson at quarterback. MBT throws 3 touchdowns and brings back memories of a certain Purple #4 from 2009.”
Newcomer Ziemer may have broken down a bit too much tape of MBT with the UFL’s Sacramento Mountain Lions.
Night sports guy Joe Nelson: Vikings 35, Browns 3
“The Browns take a 3-0 lead into the half, but Cleveland trades the 2014 first-round pick it acquired from the Colts in the Trent Richardson trade, to the Vikings for Christian Ponder, who they mistakenly believe can be a franchise quarterback. Ponder starts the second half in brown and orange and the Vikings win 35-3 without scoring an offensive touchdown.”
Sports yes-man Mike Gallagher: Browns 35, Vikings 2
“The Vikings take a 2-0 lead into the half. The Browns panic, trading the 2014 first-round pick it acquired from the Colts in the Trent Richardson trade, to the Vikings for Christian Ponder. In typical former-Minnesota-athlete-fashion, Ponder turns around his career instantly, throwing for 323 yards and five scores. Browns win out, Super Bowl champs.”
Gusty sports-yes man, gutsy.
That may be a pipe dream for Browns fans, since the last time Ponder was good was in this video (notice the “CHRISTIAN PONDER FOR HEISMAN IN 2010” in the about section. Astounding).
We’re used to more of this in Minny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJhOMePAVCI
Other takeaways: SD No. 1 GR Anderson has the Browns in a close one, digging his own grave in these standings.
Morning sports voice Eric Perkins has once again given us a generic, lame, five-word prediction as he continues to refuse to step outside of the hard-hitting and serious world of pro sports predictions. Very professional Mr. Perkins, and so without further adieu, here is another example of his unwavering professionalism.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPx698UzpiQ
